Well I guess this title will get me a lot if hits from google searches from pervs looking for images of a big fat lesbien! But sorry.... this is not about pornography. Nope. It's about a big fat lesbien who tried to knock me down at the Scissor Sisters Gig!

So I went to see the Scissor Sisters at the Brighton Centre on Saturday night and well... the verdict is quite disappointing. I was expecting a real show with feathers and a proper flamboyant stage. But none of that. It was a simple gig with a lot of their new songs from their new album.... which I haven't got and therefore do not know. I looked at my watch a lot hoping this concert would finish.... and I dont even wear a watch...so that says it all! I was not a fan before the concert. I am for sure never gonna be a fan now!
They were however funny when they were addressing the crowd. Even though they kept talking rude, it was funny. They are all Gay and they certainly put it on show!

Anyway we were in the pit in the standing area and were quite close to the stage. Just before the gig started, two lesbiens...on the larger side, joined one of their friend, a granny with a multi colour feather boa, who was standing in front of us. I was a bit miffed cause one of them litterally planted herself in front of me and I thought it was quite darn rude of her considering there was not much space left in the first place and let's just say, she was a bit massive elephant! (no disrespect to the elephants).  I was feeling quite clostrophobic....

By the way, I am not calling her a lesbien out of spite. She was a lesbien and that was a fact. She was a butch lesbien and horrible fat big butch lesbien! And that is what she was!
And before all Gays and Lesbiens come in here up in arms telling me I am a homophobic, no I'm not. I have gay friends and I like them a lot. So there!

So anyway.... the gig started and everyone around was getting quite animated. But OH MY!!! That elephant woman went mad. She wriggled and jumped and moved so much she almost knocked my out with her head.... and she had spikey hair! I almost got stabbed in the forehead a million times during the first bits of the first song.
I was annoyed cause first of all, she had been rude by putting herself in a spot which was too tight for her and therefore envading the little space I already had, and second she made me touch her too much to my liking. I had my hands in my jeans pocket and her massive arse was rubbing against my arm...I was less than pleased.
K who was just behind me could see what a fat cow she was being and she kept looking at me wondering what on earth that big mama was doing!
Anyway, after being almost knocked to the floor 10 times by the big fat lesbien moves, I decided to retaliate. If you can't beat them... join them! So I started jumping, jigging and dancing like I was the biggest fan of the Scissor Sisters ever! In the process I was pushing her and trying to regain my stolen space. And she looked at me like I was doing something outrageous... but I was only reclaiming what she had bluntly knicked from me!
I was not paying attention to her nasty looks, I was making out like I was really enjoying the music (it was a bit hard considering it was a song I'd never heard before!)
She moved even more and despite being determined to not let her beat me, I was no match. She was enormous and I was tiny compared to her... I am not tiny compared to petite people, I am a nice size 12 but she was a size 92.... well she did look like she was a size 92! Her bra strap...her big fat white sweat stained bra strap was as thick and wide as a loo roll and it was digging in her shoulder under her heavy breast ..... AAAaaargh.... I just had a horrible thought!!! I just imagined her naked. Oh my. I need to go and puke!

Anyway... not wanting to let her beat me, I carried on dancing.... and she suddenly turned around and shouted at me 'Are you gonna stop doing that!!!'. I was scared. She was big and I could see my reflection in her eyes.... and I looked like a cooked turkey. She was gonna eat me!!!!!
I replied to her 'Hey... you're squashing me. Look! I have no space and YOU'RE SQUASHING ME!!!!'
She didn't like what I had said cause she knew I meant she was huge and I was being flattened. K was looking at me in horror. I am sure she was scared for me. I am sure she thought 'Oh My... my friend is gonna die devored by a hungry angry lesbien!'.  The tension was high and the music was blearing.... DAMN MUSIC!
Apparently, the big fat lesbien's girlfriend, who was as big and as ugly, kept looking at me with darting eyes as to say 'Stay away from my girl!' Which is quite hilarious cause I am not a lesbien... but if I was, I would most certainly not go for that kinda of woman! I'd be more into a feminin lady than a butch manlike hippo dressed with heavy duty clothing!

I am glad to say that someone on my left moved away so I could slide across a little and be away from the monster.  The peace was restored again and I could tried to enjoy the gig... which was a task in itself!

After the concert, we went for a drink and had a real good laugh about what had happened. Yes I almost died trampled under Big Foot. But I escaped and more over, did not let her know I was weak... I shouted back at her.... and she did not win....in my opinion!
During the last song of the concert, I managed to be in front of lardy lady and I did my upmost best to jump and dance and wriggle my tiny arse (it's not tiny but compared to hers, mine was a little apple!) and I was swaying my hair all over the place.... I had the last word....or in this case, the last move!

There is one thing people should know about me... and Michelin Bitch knows it now. You dont mess with me... I can fight back! I will poo my pants doing it, but I will certainly not let her walk all over me!!

Mey
-x-

PS: It's my mum's birthday today.  Happy Birthday Mummy